Life is Full

Given the monumental scale of graft that is salient to aid work, it shouldn’t be a big deal that some-where some-one some-how convinced some-bureaucrat that International Newsweek would be the best way to keep Peace Corps volunteers informed on world events. I surmise that Newsweek is reading-level, attention-span, interest-depth appropriate for the average American. Just because the average Peace Corps Volunteer has a higher level of interest in world events (given that, if you will recall, we have volunteered to go out into said world) doesn’t mean that Newsweek couldn’t be an important source of news and entertainment. No, what bothers me - what drives me to end each reading with a promise to throw it away as soon as it next appears in the mail - is the tremendous and cruelly ironic intersection of the magazine’s target demographic and my own daily life.
Rolex, Jaquet Droz, Tudor, Breitling, Patek Phillippe, Longines, Breguet. Have you heard of all of these watch companies? Probably not.
Why?
Because you are too poor. Or at least I am. These are companies whose ads tacitly admit their astonishing prices by attempting to convince you that you aren’t purchasing a watch, but a ready-made, mass-produced family heirloom. My last issue came with a copy of “Perpetual Spirit Magazine,” the equivalent of Rolex’s sweeps week apparently intended to break down anyone who hasn’t been swayed by seeing Roger Federer with one photo-shopped to his wrist on the inside cover every single week for the last seven months. Made with heavier, glossier paper (and only 18 pages shorter than my Newsweek) it was full of hard hitting articles about “going to the limit” in golf, car racing, equestrian competition and (this is when you know you have a good agent) playing the sitar; tasks that are no doubt more satisfying (though certainly not easier) with a two pound chunk of gold strapped to your wrist.
In between ads for the Lexus Hybrid SUV, Toshiba Central A/C units and earnest encouragement to visit the Dubai Duty Free is the most viewed articles on Newsweek.com. #1 this week: “The 8 Most Fattening Foods of Fall.” (Quantified to assist those whose attention spans couldn’t handle last weeks #1: “Fall’s Most Fattening Foods.”) Towards the back, there’s a weekly profile on niche luxury goods (Blinging Fishing Lures! Ooo! Functional!) and the “Four Hours in…” travel section. The layout – down to the order of the ads – is the same for every issue, a smart time-saving logic given that it’s designed for travelers to pick up at the newsstand. After all, what kind of moron would get a subscription to International Newsweek?
Are you getting the picture? The idea that this is a magazine designed for international business travelers is not revolutionary. It’s probably very effective. Americans traveling abroad, waiting in the climate controlled executive lounge in Dubai for their Emirate’s flight to Brussels, a fifth of Absolut from the duty free packed into their rolling carryon. Thinking to themselves: “You know…we could kind of use another heirloom for the kids. That reminds me, I should be investing in the future of global energy, but what company is the world’s leader in innovative energy solut- Hey! Wow! Thanks Newsweek!” And so on.
No, the point I want to make is that this magazine is sent to me. I don’t wear a watch, not because I haven’t found one of heirloom quality, but because people here don’t use clocks. Most of us don’t even have electricity, much less internet to scan articles about how and why we are getting too fat (another issue which you will be shocked to here is low on our list of priorities). When (on occasion) I do actually end up in a city with paved roads and refrigerated beverages, even then, I am unlikely to actually enter into a building equipped with fans, much less one with central air conditioning. And the odds of my traveling to Rejivyak are slim. The chances that given the opportunity to go, I would choose to stay for four hours are non-existent.
Everything in International Newsweek seems specifically designed to point out the things I can’t do, the objects I don’t have and the services I can neither afford nor access. It is the anti-thesis of my life here.
Moreover, by the very nature of the isolation and scarcity that makes it so irritating to read, International Newsweek is the only regular source of news that we receive. When the happy occasion arises that we meet one another and desire to discuss world events our conversation immediately stalls as we realize that our knowledge of current events is: a) based on the exact same vaguely summaried articles and b) at a ninth grade reading level (I cite as evidence the recent headline: “Warlordistan”).
And worst - worst of all - is that no matter how frustrated I may be with the fact that the shilling value of each issue could buy me food for that week or how tired I am of the Breitling ad with John Travolta and the caption “Career: Actor. Profession: Pilot.” the most galling part of receiving International Newsweek is that I can’t stop reading it. It remains my most reliable and consistent source (primarily by being my only source) of information about the world. Promise though I might to stop rotting my brain with it, I know it will stay right were it always does: piled on the edge of my desk awaiting a third reading.